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Hi, guys~! :D

Well, I figured that since Spongebob- Proof Of Spandy was so popular that I would do something that's different but also the same. I've written a little mini rant/opinions on an issue that isn't nearly as annoying as it used to be but it's still suck around for a quite a while everywhere I've been (Ex. DevArt, Fanfiction Net, LiveJournal). So, hope you can all enjoy and leave whatever comments you feel necessary. I would love to hear your opinions.

First I shall address Mary-Sues. Here's the five bad points of a Mary-Sue:
• Name
• Background
• Social
• Personality
• Body


Name:

Length

The name is only a slight problem. As in, it's not really one to be too concerned about but it is something that could give a good character a bad image. A name such as 'Melony Butterfly Lily DeeDee Silver Jay Hannah Rose, Melony Rose for short' is not going to give anyone a pretty image of your character and people will get tired just by trying to say it. Any sane parents would not give their child such a long and complicated name, just for the sake of the child, really.


Names and their origins

Another point to make is that you never have to have a reason for a name but one that is not of your own origin needs an explanation. Having an American girl with an Indian name would not go un-noticed and people are bound to be curious about it. Always have reasons otherwise it's just going to be another syndrome for the Mary-Sue plague. I have a character of my own that has a Greek name even though she is American. I have a simple, yet reasonable, explanation for this. Her aunt is infertile therefore she looks to the support of her sister who granted her the wish to name her children. It's nothing exciting or glamorous but it is an explanation for my character's name. If you have trouble searching a name that is unique but is still your character's origins, Google names and you'll find a ton online.


Searching for a name

Nothing ever has to be hard work so neither does finding a good name. But before just searching for names, why don't you go more in depth by figuring out what your character's personality may be like and then take that to find a unique name that suits their personality. It's easy to search for what names mean so take a name from a website's list that you have found, place that name in a name generator and find out the name's meaning. This doesn't have to be all the time as you could just as easily search for names in Google and just pick out the one you like best, but it shows you put a lot more effort into your character when you have everything about them planned, including something as small as the name.


Background:

Parents

A common occurrence for most Mary-sues is their background is always bad. Nothing can be good for their childhood and their parents always have to be killed, they can't survive at all. So, Mary-sues are made orphans. But if your parents are killed, you can't live a life all on your own. Not even Naruto lived a full life on his own. Despite living in an apartment on his own, Naruto had the help of the hokage some of his life. He was always there looking out for Naruto. So, if your parents have died and you really want her/him to be alone in an apartment, make sure to have an adult to supervise them until they're allowed to own their own house.

You don't always have to have deceased parents. To avoid making your character a Mary-sue, have them have parents. You could even have it where your parents are divorced so you don't have two parents around all the time if that's what you want. Having parents will ultimately make them better characters.


Childhood friends

It's important to keep track on their past friendships and whoever it was and how close your character was with them. Nothing says a good backstory like past people and detailed relationships. It doesn't have to be that detailed, just enough to know who they were friends with and how close. Everyone has a childhood friend, if they grew up with them long enough. And if your character has grown up with anyone, even if your character and their childhood friend wasn't that close, they still grew up together.

This isn't a point that needs to be stressed strongly but it is vital to their past if you are to have that character come up in future or if you want to get an all-around picture of what your character is like and how their life has been.


Bad pasts

A common occurrence for Mary-sues is tragic traumas that happen in their past lives. It's normally a girl who has been brutally raped and was shunned by society so she grows up to live a life as an orphan because her parents abandoned her/were killed/never really took notice of her. I'm not saying there can't be a tragedy in their past but having it where her parents are then killed and then she grows up to live mostly happy is not a good thing. Sure, there's always the plus side that your OC doesn't whine all the time about it but if her parents are killed then she's going to be lacking social skills and won't be the most popular in the group.

If you're trying to give her/him a tragic past, try and come up with a decent plot. Not anything like raped or experimented on. The latter can only be used if it were to be based upon something that's sci-fi related. Maybe you could have a tragic past where your character ends up in a car crash with her/his parents and they all survive but your character is suffering from emotional stress over it and can't seem to wrap their head around it. That could lead to many different possibilities and ideas you could branch off of.


Social:

Personality and social skills

The most normal thing nowadays for some OC is they'll be really unemotional/really hyper and have a fierce temper. If your character is one that has a fierce temper, no-one's going to befriend her/him that quickly as she will be hostile towards them at first and give them a very unpleasant first impression. If you want your character to be angry most of the time, you have to give it time before she gains friends as it's not as easy as some people make it out to be. Same goes for if your character is unemotional. If they really do show little to no emotions, she/he's not going to find it easy in gaining friends as it'll be difficult to approach, let alone talk to anyone as their social skills will be lacking a lot.

Build up their character and build up the friendships around them. You could have a very stubborn character constantly bug your character until they decide to be friends with this annoying individual.


Personality:

Strengths and flaws

All characters have their strengths and weaknesses but your character is definitely lacking in personality if they're strong with no flaws. Most Mary-sues have it where they have super human strength and no physical or mental weaknesses as if they can't be defeated. You can't give your character all the powers in the book and not give her any weaknesses. Superman can practically do anything but he has a weakness. True, this weakness would be very hard to find but he still has a weakness. His happens to be kryptonite and he can be defeated as he has villains chasing him all the time, some probably owning this kryptonite.

A human owning all those powers must be stressed all the time as they should be worried over someone finding out and trying to exploit it all the time. There has to be some weakness there.

Your character needs weaknesses to make them human. A human without flaws aren't human at all. Nothing makes you a better person than when you value your own flaws. More people will respect your character if you can give them obvious flaws. Not flaws such as she/he can't sing, she/he's clumsy or they can't dance. That's not flaws; that's just a creator's excuse to get out of giving their character proper flaws. A flaw is something like a crooked nose or not being able to run properly as their legs go all over the place. Something as simple as she/he can't see straight as they are partially blind would even be reasonable.


Talents

Mary-sues are known for having incredible talents and not knowing when to stop. Most often or not, Mary-sues can sing, play the flute and shoot a brilliant goal in less than a minute. I could understand if your character can sing, dance and act because they all belong in the same category. They are all to do with arts and performances but having a character be an excellent cook, is able to dance and can shoot a perfect bow and arrow onto a target is not qualified as good character development. It just makes them cheap fandom whores who deserve nothing but a slap around the head.

Keep the talents in check and make sure to have them be reasonable to your character.

Body:

Perfect

First of all, there is no such thing as perfection. So to have a character have a perfect body is just a reason for you to imagine yourself as being perfect. No-one could easily have big breasts, tiny waist and a curvy figure. Proportionally, a tiny waist would not be able to keep up enormous breasts as your waist would snap. If you want your character to be skinny, you can't have them have big breasts. Skinny would equal small or average sized breasts and a less than curvy figure. Having big breasts means having big hips with a big torso, big ribcage and chunky legs and arms. And you have to have broader shoulders to be able to have big breasts, otherwise your character's body would be out of proportion.
If you look up different body shapes, pear shapes are the ones with big breasts whereas spoon shapes are the ones with little hips and small breasts but skinny waist and legs.
Research is the key to a good character. Good character means having a 3-dimensional personality. And having a 3-dimensional personality means you can connect with your character more and people will enjoy your character just as much as you.


How to create a decent character

Creating a decent character only takes time and some small research on your behalf. Fictional characters need to be 3-dimensional so that if you were to write a story of your character, we would then be able to feel emotions for it, whether it's disliking them for being a jerk, loving them for doing a sweet thing for someone else or feeling sympathy for them as they go through sorrow.

Characters need development so as you go along creating your character, remember, you don't have to stop right there. You can keep going back and adding things to their personality, flaws, talents, and powers, whatever. The thing is you can never stop developing your character. Developing a character is a very simple and fun thing to do.  
As you sit down and think over what kind of character you want, maybe you could base your character's personality on someone you know. Doesn't have to be someone you're close to, just anyone you would like to have as a personality for your character. You can even start with the basics before grounding it down into details. Is your character a sporty person, a girly-girl, a tomboy, an overdramatic control freak? Anything will do, they just have to have a personality.

As time goes on, you will be finding yourself enjoying your character as you figure even more things about them. You will start to develop their looks, their little kinks, their little perks and you will start to put in some little details there like, she/he chews their top lip when they're excited. One thing you do have to remind yourself, no matter how silly this may seem, is that your character is always right. You have to listen to your character like it's actually there.

So, if your character doesn't want to get the hero, don't pair them off with the hero. If your character doesn't want to like apples, make her/him hate apples. My point is that if it doesn't feel right when you put down that they like cakes; change it. When it doesn't feel right, that's basically your character trying to tell you that it doesn't like the direction you're heading with it.

The most important thing you have to do while making a character is have fun. If you're not having fun, then stop right there! Don't carry on. If it's not fun, what's the point of having an OC?

And that's it for now~! I hope you enjoyed this and hopefully, this will help you when you are trying to create a character. Have fun and comment if you have any opinions on this~! :)
Well, it's as its called :XD: Hope you can enjoy this and feel free to comment with your opinions~!




EDIT---

Thanks for all the faves in this~!! You guys are amazing and keep those comments coming. Your opinions are love to me and are so interesting to read. If there is anything you would like to see me rant on next, feel free to leave me a comment
:)


Additional notes:

Guys, when I say it's not possible to have a skinny waist and big breasts, I'm talking about the people who make the chest area F-cups or G-cups. You know, completely unnatural proportions.

Also, for the face of your OC, you can make your OC attractive. Yes, you heard me, you can make your OC attractive to others but your OC will not be attractive to everyone. Look at celebrities for an example, some are attractive to others, some are not. For instance, some people may find Tom Hiddleston attractive, some may not, and yet, he is an attractive guy.
Do you see how it works?

If you know a Mary-sue OC that you despise, popular in the fandom or not, send them my way and I'll be sure to do a rant/critique of them.


I don't do critiques on anybody's OC's anymore, sorry. I will only do rants now on OC's if there's one that's bad enough.







Sugarbubblegum333~
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpatelleghost:
PatelleGhost Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2015
After reading this, I kind of remembered a OC of mine. She's the emotionless/intimidating/shy kind of gal, so would she be counted slightly Mary-sue-ish for not having childhood friends? (This also reminded to look back on some of my OCs, great guide!)
Reply
:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not really, we don't all tend to have friends especially those who are too shy to make some. But I figure some people would make friends with people who are a bit on the nervous side. My friend's shy and she has managed to make friends despite not talking much (actually she sounds kind of like your character except for the whole emotionless and intimidating thing, ha ha). 

Maybe just give a reason for her having no friends like say, she turns everyone away who wants to be friends or people tend not to go near her cause she intimidates them even if they wanted to be her friend. 

Thank you and good luck with your characters! :)
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:iconderfs51:
derfs51 Featured By Owner May 26, 2015
Honestly after reading this right now, I have a lot to learn now to make my OCs more relatable and visible later on. such a good read.
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner May 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you :) 
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:iconderfs51:
derfs51 Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2015
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconadoranbolt:
adoranbolt Featured By Owner May 3, 2015
This is honestly really accurate as to how I feel. Although, I have many characters that are haphazardly developed and need a lot of work. I will use this for future reference on my characters!
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner May 3, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much! Although I would say take it with a pinch of salt; while this is how I feel characters can become original, that's not to say this is a rule book anyone should follow. After all, it's your character so do what you like :) 
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:iconadoranbolt:
adoranbolt Featured By Owner May 3, 2015
Yes, yes, but I do think this will be helpful in making sure I don't go overboard or get carried away XD
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner May 3, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well then, I am flattered you'd be willing to take my advice :L Go nuts!
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:iconadam-walker:
Adam-Walker Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2015   Writer
I don't get why a tragic past makes some characters Mary Sues because I would like to think that if a Mary Sue is perfect in every way then their past would be perfect too.
Reply
:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Because it's overused and is only there to serve as a plea for sympathy for the character usually (you'd be surprised how often people with mary-sue's make their character have a tragic past just so that their character can seem like they've had problems in their life, and it's usually the same tragic past). It's not always the case though. 
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:iconadam-walker:
Adam-Walker Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2015   Writer
Cheers.
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem.
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:iconadam-walker:
Adam-Walker Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015   Writer
I think it also serves as the creator saying "My character is really important! FEEL SORRY FOR HIM/HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Mhm, hit the nail on the head there. If it was done right and it wasn't always the same "My mum and dad were killed" or "I was experimented on", it could be a good backstory but they don't take the time to make it good. Like you said, it's just usually a way for the creator to get people to feel sorry for their character. 
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:iconadam-walker:
Adam-Walker Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015   Writer
And you know what else? I'm going to reference makingfunofstuff because I think it fits perfectly.

makingfunofstuff.deviantart.co…
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Seems like a good read. I'll take a look at that later, thanks for the reference :)
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:iconlozgamer316:
LoZGamer316 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hmm... Now I'm kinda worried I made some Mary Sues and a Marty Stu
Reply
:iconknownrecidivist:
knownrecidivist Featured By Owner Edited Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Although obviously it's possible to be an excellent cook, dance really well and also be good with a bow and arrow-- that's just having hobbies. Mostly, people have a few. What is impossible is for your OC to be a gourmet chef, world-class dancer and win every single competition there is when it comes to archery. Having a few hobbies that your character is good at is great, it makes them human, but keep the skill level realistic and try not to overdo the amount of hobbies they have. (Actually, you could probably argue that the amount of skills your character has should be inversely proportional to how honed said skills are... But let's not get into that.)
EDIT:
To elaborate: if your character is THE BEST at one hobby, they probably don't have many others. The more you spread your focus, the less specialized you get.
Reply
:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's actually pretty much what I meant ^^; I wasn't very good at explaining myself years ago. But yeah, essentially I was thinking that if you're excellent at something culinary based, it wouldn't be wise to have your character to also be highly skilled in say, ballet. Because the two don't mix together and would therefore make your character seem a bit too overdone. Obviously you can be multi-skilled but you wouldn't be the best at every talent or hobby you have.

Yeah, that's true. If you're really good at something like web design, your focus probably wouldn't be on tennis and so, you wouldn't be great at it maybe. It could still be a hobby for your character but you've got to think realistically.
Reply
:iconknownrecidivist:
knownrecidivist Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I see the point now, so thanks for clarifying that! Very good for having been written a few years ago, at whatever age you were back then. Still a very interesting read, and definitely still something a lot of writers ought to read.

Exactly, especially because web design involves a lot of sitting still and thus doesn't do much good for anything related to tennis. Running, on the other hand, would mix well. But this is just me being too argumentative again.
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's no problem, I probably still have some trouble explaining myself now though :L Thank you very much, I would hope it still holds up after two years c:

No, no, it's good to see another's point of view honestly. You're right, running might do well for someone who's into web design. It's not too fast paced (jogging), it keeps the character fit while not having to do much and it's not time consuming.
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:icondkshark89:
dkshark89 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Agreed to all except the backstory thing. I always thought it was bullshit when people say "you can't have no parents" Well guess what. fan- FICTION. fiction- not existing in real life. Meaning real life rules don't apply. Take my character for example, nick (gorgon) Andrews, son of Medusa gorgon and franken stein. Nick is the living result of a DNA experiment medusa was doing to try to create basically a stein with witch like powers, this failed however as nick also gained stein's control over his madness, making nick useless to medusa except as a lab rat. He ran away at age 6 and joined the dwma and guess what, he's fine 
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's the fact that it's generally classed as a cliche nowadays in the Naruto fandom since apparently no-one's oc can have parents when it comes to the Naruto world. Other than that, I'm not saying I'm totally against it, just have a legitimate reason and explanation for their death otherwise you're just resulting to the usual Disney killing off parents for no reason syndrome.
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:icondkshark89:
dkshark89 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2014
Mine is soul eater oc, i don't watch naruo. And being abused and treated like a labrat, sounds like a VERY reasonable
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Not when it doesn't come with a reason. Otherwise people will ask why they were treated like that, who treated them like that. Everything needs a reason and being abused isn't something to take lightly.
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:icondkshark89:
dkshark89 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014
obviously you don't watch soul eater, because then you would understand why it doesn't even need to be explained. Medusa is a sadistic cold hearted bitch, she would kill her own child if it meant advancing her goals and not feel an ounce of guilt
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No, clearly I do not. I wasn't even commenting on your oc though, I was saying that everyone needs a reason for their oc to be abandoned or have their parents killed or abused or whatever.
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:icondkshark89:
dkshark89 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014
yea, but im sick of the "no parents= mary sue bullshit" considering A, its simply untrue, and B, i laugh at that everytime because there are so many ways to counter it
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No-body's saying it's a Mary-sue trait, the only reason it could even be seen as that is because it's been done so many times over and over again. No-one wants their oc's parents to be alive for some unknown reason. Which is why it's become a common "Mary-sue trait" or seen as one should I say.
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:iconmy0life0my0destiny:
my0life0my0destiny Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014
Hey,um, if you don't mind, I'd really appreciate your quick opinion on something. I'm going to assume that you know what Homestuck is (I apologize if you don't). What I want to do is make a one shot about a fan troll of mine and a Canon troll (haven't devided who yet). It would be before everyone, y'know, died on their planet and it would basically just be about their lives together from when they were young to before the incident and would just be a giant thing of fluff all around (and some sadness, of course). What do you think? Is it to Mary Sue-ish? Thanks and have an awesome day!
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It would only be Mary-sue-ish if you made the character you're pairing her up with out of character. Keep both characters in character and make sure you take time with them two ending up together, don't rush it.

Good luck and I hope you have a great day too! :aww:
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:iconmy0life0my0destiny:
my0life0my0destiny Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014
I really like what you said about listening to you character, that one sentence actually helped me a lot. Thanks! :)
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you, I felt it was important to add seeing as how not everyone will know to listen to their character :) You're welcome :D
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:icongracefulsunshine:
gracefulsunshine Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013
ummm hello! sorry to bother you but i was wondering if you'd like to take a look at my OC? link is here
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Read the description please.
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:iconanimefanprotector:
Animefanprotector Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2013
What if they have a Greek mother who fell in love/married a Japanese man????
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Then you can go for whichever one the parents decide to name the kid. As long as they are of that ethnicity or have a good reason, then it's completely understandable for them to have that kind of name.
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:iconanimefanprotector:
Animefanprotector Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2013
Oh ok thanks cuz her last name is Japanese but she's also Greek so she even looks like a mix of them.Thanks for the help.
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:iconalbinokittens300:
albinokittens300 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013
Thank you for writeing this it was vary helpful c:
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you very much, it was no problem :meow:
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:iconalbinokittens300:
albinokittens300 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2013
No problem :)
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:iconartycomicfangirl:
artycomicfangirl Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Student Artist
One of my Oc full name is called Soreina rose summers.

Is that a Sueish name?
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yes, it's got probably too many seasons of weather and flowers in it.
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:iconartycomicfangirl:
artycomicfangirl Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Student Artist
Really? I didn't notice... Il try abd do something about this...
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, it was a bit too sue-ish. But you can fix that problem :)
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:iconzecchou:
zecchou Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist

ahaahha sorry if you're tired of those oc critism and stuff but could you probably look at my oc siiri and suggest something to make her better?she's getting clouded with shit sdfg (feel free to critique any way you want i've created the worst mary sue ever once so i'm fine -v-) (P.S: she's from a completely original world,so you don't need to look up any fandoms =v= )

 

selenia 'siiri' lynne heavenhost

20 years

fallen angel (highest rank skhdfg)

job (?): judge

personality: pretty cold at times,sometimes friendly,often disapproving and sometimes looses her mind

 

siiri was born in a noble/aristocrat family.her mother is a priestess and her father is a teacher.being homeschooled and isolated in the early years siiri acquired the nonchanal personality she has now.in early teens her mother dropped her off at a maid academy where she met her first friend marina whisp(now cross) and they became really close.siiri never liked to be picked on.but when that happened the first time thing went really bad.having too many sins siiri got sent to hell to serve lucifer instead.then marina got dismissed without a reason aswell.after a year or so siiri escaped with about 13 sins.that's when demons started flowing in and feeling like something had to be done,siiri started fighting demons in order to stop the overflow.that's also when she met akyla.her parents were murdered by a demon and she got brainwashed by it aswell.with time siiri gained 2 more friends them being named aria and twinkie.all of their parents were killed by demons so that was an another reason to fight.meanwhile,an angel hunteru nder the name alestair cross was sent to take care of that (as demons saw it) shameless angel.but because of alestair's weak resistance he switched sides and now no longer hunts angels.after a few years siiri left the fighting business and took onto the judge job.she's also plagued by jealousy of having black and white wings almost all her life.looking at all the colours and happy people hurts siiri even though she knows she should be happy for those poeple. (not much to write about her really shdgh)

 

here you have an age chart,fufufu. fav.me/d68w944

p.s: she's not goth or anything.i just really like gothic lolita because it fits siiri's personality a bit -v-

Reply
:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ha ha, I'm not tired of them =P They're always fun to do every now and again. If I'm ever tired of them, I would have an explanation in the description saying, "I don't critique your OC" or something.

You will need a more in depth explanation to her personality, to be honest. While being brief is easier, it's also the worst way to showcase an OC. It doesn't help people to get to know her. The way you described it makes her personality seem flip-floppy, you know? She seems to be a bit of everything what with being cold at times but also friendly. It's quite vague, don't you think? We all can be cold and yet, friendly at times especially when different people get put into the mix but that's where a personality comes in. Would her personality allow for her to speak her mind to the people she's cold with? Who does she tend to be more friendly towards? Is there any part of her personality that can suggest she has a fun side? Also, you say she loses her mind. Do you care to explain more on that? How does she lose her mind? Is there anything that sets her off? Are you saying she goes crazy or she gets furious? Because losing your mind can mean two things; Either she's mentally insane or she gets out of control when she finally snaps and becomes angry.

About the backstory, you said Siiri has a nonchalant personality. How did she sin then given that she's quite...emotionless? (I suppose sinning would be easier without the use of emotions coming into play). What crimes/dastardly acts did she commit that were so bad that she had to actually serve Lucifer for? Because a sin that's as dry and bland as killing someone wouldn't be nearly as evil enough to need to serve Lucifer for. And while having many sins can build up to how bad a person is, it all depends on how cruel the sins were.

Her parents got murdered? Is there any backstory to that other than the brief explanation of being killed off by a demon? And how did this effect her? Because surely it would really be damaging to her emotional state. Also, having a weak resistance despite being an angel hunter causing him to switch sides seems like a pretty weak explanation and reason on how Alestair switched sides. It would make more sense if over time angels constantly rescued him for whatever reason and he had one following him perhaps, like a guardian angel and that really sent him into an inner turmoil until he chose the side of good. Just a suggestion.

There's also one minor thing that bugs me: Their names. All of their names sound like pop star singers; Marina, Siiri, Akyla, Twinkie (??). But that one could be ignored.

Other than those things, I really enjoy the layout for the story you've got here, with the angels and hunters and demons with Lucifer. One thing is missing though which is the plot for the story but this is a critique for your character so never mind that. Your character's design is pretty cute and quite fitting. However, be wary of the facial design. Eyes don't get bigger over time, it's actually the head that grows and that just makes the eyes seem smaller in comparison to the head. She seems to have a more mature looking face when she's younger than when she's older. Slanting the eyes doesn't make her look older. But shrinking them and stretching the face vertically will change the appearance.

Good luck with your character and I hope I didn't seem too blunt ^^;
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:iconzecchou:
zecchou Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
p.s i'll prob come back you when everything's rewritten and patched up -v-
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:iconsugarbubblegum333:
sugarbubblegum333 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sure, okay, if you really want to :)
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